We have all heard of Nightmare Brides.  These are brides who are demanding, short-tempered and behave as if they are the only ones to have ever had a wedding before.  Standing beside the Nightmare Bride is the less well-known Nightmare Bridesmaid.  The Nightmare Bridesmaid doesn’t hog the limelight quite as much as the Nightmare Bride, but she has been known to throw a kink or two into wedding plans.

What is a Nightmare Bridesmaid?  Well, this bridesmaid shirks her responsibilities, doesn’t show up for fittings and gives an inappropriate toast.  She rolls her eyes behind the back of the bride, offers her opinion when she wasn’t asked, and embarrasses not only the bride, but herself.

This is my personal recount of being a bridesmaid – perhaps even a Nightmare Bridesmaid.  No, I didn’t know anything horrible, but I did cause the bride some unneeded stress. However, I only recognized this as I matured and then later became a bride myself.

My first offense was that I wasn’t attentive to the pre-wedding parties.  In fact, I don’t know if I even RSVP’d to the shower that the bride’s sister hosted.  I figured that since I was living out-of-state, everyone naturally assumed I wouldn’t be coming.

In addition to that, I requested that the bride not buy us shoes with a tall heel on them.  My reasoning was that I am already quite tall and towering over my friends makes me feel self-conscious.  I also telephoned the bride mere days before her wedding complaining that my bridesmaid dress was too big.  Not so big it was going to fall off, it just wasn’t very flattering on me.

And the icing on the cake was probably when I saw the bride’s seating assignments for the head table.  She had us at a long table at the front of the reception room, sitting in a repetitive order of groomsman, bridesmaid, groomsman, bridesmaid and so on.  I actually had the nerve to ask her if she really meant to do that!  I was disappointed because I was in town specifically for this occasion and wasn’t able to sit near my friends – the other bridesmaids – who I never get to see!  Instead I was sandwiched between the groom’s father and another guy I didn’t know – super fun.

So, I wasn’t awful, right?  But I certainly wasn’t great.  And here’s the thing:  I should have simply sucked it all up.  I would have RSVP’d (something I now consider a cardinal sin not to do!), I shouldn’t have stressed about the shoes, the dress or the seating chart.  If I were to do it over again, I wouldn’t utter a peep.  I would smile, nod, and be encouraging and therefore the best darn bridesmaid ever!

Fortunately, my friend is still friends with me.  Whether she considered me as much a pain in the butt as I now look back and recognize myself as being, I don’t know.  We never talked about it.  But it is something I regret.  As I get older I have come to realize that when it comes to special, lifetime occasions such as weddings, it is better to make the people you are there celebrating happy rather than to focus on yourself.  ‘Cause it’s just not about you.  (It’s about the Nightmare Bride!)

Tip:  If you are the bride, understand that weddings are stressful and sometimes your bridesmaids forget it’s not about them.  Be patient and understand that they really don’t mean it.  I appreciate my friend for letting my mistakes slide!